the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
where are you?
Hypothermia
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Boobs speak an international language.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
Randomize