he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
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