I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
Randomize
