Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
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