you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
