4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
Randomize