And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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