New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
Sorry my hands just texted you
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
Randomize
