puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
Randomize
