can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
Dicks are not precious.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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