You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Randomize
