I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
Randomize
