No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
