i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Randomize
