allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
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