so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Randomize
