I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
Randomize
