Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
Randomize
