I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize