worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
