i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize