I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
