I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
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