Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
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