i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
