UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
