Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Randomize
