I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
I think i sorta joined a cult last night
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
