this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
