no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
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