I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
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