Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
