OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize