its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
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