the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Randomize
