I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
Randomize
