i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
