Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
there's paper in my vomit.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Randomize
