he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize