I think I am morally bankrupt
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
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