Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
Dicks are not precious.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
