I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize
