Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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