i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
