I feel like I'm in dance class right now
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Randomize
