i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
