Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
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