My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
