NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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