u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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