I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
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