chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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