She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
