i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize
