he thought i was a dude.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
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