i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
im calling her cock vulture from now on
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
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