Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
She bit a glass in half.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
