But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
