Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize