I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
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