I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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