shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
check it out our google latitudes are spooning
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Randomize
