remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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