Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
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