I can't breathe out the right side of my face
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Randomize
