Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
