I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
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