I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Randomize
