I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
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