I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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