and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
