I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
You smell like stripper and shame
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Randomize
