Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
Randomize
