i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
Randomize
