so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
