I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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