I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
