Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
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