Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Randomize
