I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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