i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize
