we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
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