I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
