Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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