how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
Randomize
