i jhust puked up my retainher.
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Randomize
