I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
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