actually, I'm a sock model
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Randomize
