i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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