SEEEEXXX PLEASE
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
Randomize
