??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Randomize
