I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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