we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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