i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
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