I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
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