I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
