my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
he was CRYING into my vagina
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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